at the verge of giving up. going through that phase of is it all going to be worth it? spending hours and hours on a project and seeing it get destroyed by words and starting all over again. seeing other kids get better and better. constantly on my toes trying to get better only to see myself falling behind by week. at least last year, i thought i was good at what i was doing having some confidence in my work and having the motivation to do better. this year after seeing the competition week by week and seeing my rank go down, makes me just want to give up. feeling and seeing my limits. realizing i’m not going to be good enough. survey around the corner and graduation in one year. it’s not about the grade anymore, i’m already over that. will i have a job after i graduate? not even about the job but will i be proud of what i do? is this all worth it? what am i going to say at survey when i present my work to industry professionals? how would i defend my work if i don’t even have confidence in it. why is something that i actually truly enjoy becoming a task that i have to complete. the spark inside of me is no longer there and i’m starting to second-guess myself. why does everything have to be a competition. can i just start all over again?
don’t say anything about this if you’re reading this to me. i just needed to let it out i’m fine i’ll get over it.